"75 • Make a date to talk to your partner. • Plan at least one routine family time each week. • Talk instead of w atching TV. • Talk when you take a walk together. • Talk while you work together on household chores. • Talk in the car while traveling to activities. Summing It Up In good times and bad, couples need each other. Good communication does not mean that your family won't have any problems, or that your partner will always like what you have to say. Good communication means the chances of solving problems are much higher if you and your partner can express yourselves openly and freely with each other. For couples today, there is an abundance of information on how to sustain healthy, happy marital relationships. From how - to books to advice given on television and radio, co uples are bombarded with strategies, tips, and techniques focused on “what to do” in their relationships. Most of this information assumes that if couples follow a few short rules, then they can have happy relationships. What most fail to realize is that t hese new, positive practices won't work without recognizing and addressing what has been done and what is not working. Most information available to couples falls short on giving examples of “what not to do” in a relationship. Communication is the key, but it is difficult to apply effective strategies to harmful interactions. Four negative patterns of interaction have been demonstrated as major destroyers of marital relationships: • Criticism • Contempt • Defensiveness • Stonewalling Criticism Criticism is u sing hurtful or judgmental comments aimed at your partner's character or personality. With criticism, the blame is placed on the person and not the problematic behavior. Criticism tends to be a repetitive cycle — a single critical moment can end up in a cont inued exchange. Most critical statements can be recognized by the phrases, “you always” or “you never.” The following are some examples of criticism: • You never finish any project that you start. You're so lazy. • When we go out to eat, you always embarrass me with your table manners. Contempt Contempt is a more complex negative interaction. It is an effort to psychologically abuse your partner through disrespectful statements and actions. Contempt has both verbal and"