Relationship Topics

"How do strangers transition from not even knowing one another to eventually cohabiting or marrying together? From the very first encounter, two strangers begin a process that either excludes one another as potential dates or mates or includes them and begins the process of establishing intimacy. Intimacy is the mutual feeling of acceptance, trust, and connection to another person, even with the understanding of personal faults of the individual. In other words, intimacy is the ability to become close to one another, to accept one another as is, and eventually to feel accepted by the other. Intimacy is not sexual intercourse, although sexual intercourse may be one of many expressions of intimacy. When two strangers meet they have a stimulus that alerts one or both to take notice of the other.\n\nEffective communication is critical to successful relationships. Researchers and therapists have found at least nine skills that can help couples learn to talk effectively about important issues. How we interact about issues such as time spent together/apart, money, health, gender differences, children, family, friends, commitment, trust, and intimacy affects our ability to develop and maintain lasting marital friendships. If learned well, these nine skills can help put our relationships on a positive trajectory for success. The word “marriage” is interchangeable with “relationship,” if you are not married.\n\nCouples talk about time together and apart, including the quantity and quality of time they spend together and the activities they participate in separately. They talk about money, spending habits, budgeting, investing, and planning for the future. Health-related discussions include nutrition, exercise, illness, disease, accidents, health care, mortality, and death. Because men tend to be more task-oriented in their communication styles and women tend to be more process-oriented, men tend to want to solve issues immediately, while women tend to want to talk about them more and come to a consensus about what should be done. Couples also discuss how children develop physically, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, as well as situations surrounding interactions with family, in-laws, and friends.\n\nCouples communicate about commitment, or how they “hang in there” and contribute to their marital friendship even when things are not going particularly well. Loyalty and fidelity are aspects of commitment and trust. Trusting relationships are relationships in which both partners are dependable, available to support each other, and responsive to each other's needs. An ability to negotiate conflict and a positive outlook about the future of the relationship are also components of trust. The social, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical connections couples make with each other determine the levels of intimacy they experience in their relationships.\n\nBecause these topics are some of the major subjects couples talk about, they are also the same topics that can spur disagreements. For instance, people can have difficulties in their relationships with in-laws. Sayings about in-laws underscore the importance of knowing how relationships with others can affect a marriage and could potentially become the topic of a marital conflict."